| Coach Your Body Week! |
by Amanda Alexander of http://www.coachingmums.com/ Francesca hates looking in the mirror. She avoids it as much as possible and then when she catches sight of herself she can't bear what she sees... and she just doesn't know what to do... she thinks that she ought to be back to her pre pregnancy weight by now, but she just can't get there, however hard she tries. Fiona used to squeeze herself into trousers a size too small every day, she just couldn't bring herself to buy new clothes - not when she had a whole suitcase full of beautiful ones that she used to fit into when she was slimmer, just waiting for the day when it would all fall into place and her body would be back to how she wants it to be. Meanwhile dressing for work filled her with dread and always left her feeling depressed. So she bought herself just a couple of things that really fit properly and it was amazing what a difference it made - it made getting dressed in the mornings so much less stressful. Fanny has noticed just how much she criticises her body, from the moment she wakes in the morning until she goes to bed at night... she hasn't told herself she mustn't do it but somehow just noticing how much she does it and how unhelpful it is has taken the edge off how nasty it feels... and she's beginning to catch herself more often and stop. Farah For almost 25 years she didn't wear a swimming costume, how could she possibly brave the swimming pool or the beach looking like that? She was just so huge... what would people think? She loved swimming but she just couldn't bear the thought of people staring...She turned 45 last month. She bought herself a gorgeous swimsuit for her birthday and went to the pool, she enjoyed every moment and she can't quite believe she wasted all those years waiting to be slim to go swimming. Life is just too short! Fay used to think that being her ideal size would be fabulous, it would make everything so much better, she'd be confident and self assured, she'd have more friends, she'd be more attractive... find a partner... people at work would respect her more... and yet now she's there not much has changed really... so now what? Florence can't understand how it is that she can look at other mums who are far from slim and think they are lovely, voluptuous, sexy even and yet when she looks at herself all she sees is flab... she knows that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and yet she just cannot apply it to herself... Felicity had a chat with her fat the other day... and discovered that part of her is quite comfortable being overweight. It means she doesn't have to try hard to be too successful... no one expects much from her and she doesn't expect much from herself... and being fat has always been her excuse for everything, what would she do without it? Well, that's an interesting question she has begun to ask herself... what would she do without it? It feels a little daunting but also quite exciting! Freya looks in the mirror... she sees smiling deep blue eyes, soft, smooth skin, a beauty spot under left nostril, peachy pink lips, a line under her chin, the slope of her shoulders and the curve of her breasts... her reddish brown hair is resting on her collar bone on both sides... she notices how she goes in at the waist and then out again at the hips and how her legs look rooted to the ground... her feet arch in the middle, the left one more than the right and her big toe is not quite as long as the one next to it... Fern was leafing through one of the women's glossy magazines she buys regularly and was struck by how many images of unrealistically thin women she found. And when she took a closer look she was shocked to find that at almost every page there was an ad or an article promoting weight loss, anti ageing products, makeup, expensive clothes, low fat or low sugar or low something foods... the list was endless... and the interesting, thought provoking articles were few and far between... The "Moral" of This Story.. The Ideal Body? We have grown up in a culture that celebrates women who are thin, toned, have a healthy 'glow' and wear fashionable clothes. The images that surround us in the media, be it film, magazines, television or billboards, overwhelmingly send out the message that a successful, happy woman is beautiful, stylish and, above all, thin. These are powerful, insidious images and messages that many of us make into the rules by which we live our lives. We dedicate ourselves to achieving these goals of beauty and thinness in order, we hope, to be successful and happy. Intellectually we all know that being thin and being happy are not synonymous. Many of us have been thin and unhappy. We have been thin and 'unsuccessful' we have been thin and out of control. Success, happiness, stability - none of these can be achieved through a body size - if only it were that simple. The size of your body does not determine the size of your life. It never has and never will. And yet many of us live as though the two are dependent on each other. True confidence and self-esteem do not come from anything as ephemeral as our appearance. Confidence and self-esteem come from learning to like ourselves and love ourselves whatever packaging we come in. Do our bodies really define who we are? Is that the sum total of us as women, the shape and size of our bottoms, breasts, bellies? If we spend our lives focusing on our body size, rejecting the body we have and wishing it were different, dreaming of the day when, slim and perfect, our life will finally start, then we spend our whole life waiting and we miss the chance to live our lives fully now. How many years have you spent trying to lose weight? Making an effort to change the size and shape of your body? Wanting to look different, feel different, be different than you are? How would your life be different if how you were now could just be OK? Not perfect or fabulous or looking like someone else... but acceptable, OK, just fine... How would your life be different if you made a choice not to waste any more days, weeks or months (or money) chasing your 'ideal' body? Coach Yourself - Make This Week Your Body Week! On Monday Take a few minutes to look in the mirror. Depending on how comfortable this feels, you may like to make it 5 minutes or just 30 seconds... whatever feels right to you. As you look at yourself just describe what you see without criticising or judging your body... aim to notice colour, shape, texture rather than focusing on size and the bits that you love or hate... really see yourself for just a few moments. On Tuesday Take a look through your wardrobe. What does it say about you? Is it full of clothes that don't fit? The thin clothes and the fat clothes... just waiting until they are needed again? Or is it uncluttered, with clothes that you like and feel good in? How do you feel in the mornings when you get dressed? Is choosing your clothes easy and enjoyable or fraught and frustrating? If you think it would make a difference to have a good old sort out and pack up all the clothes that don't fit, plan a day to do it. On Wednesday Write a letter to your body. Start your letter off with: Dear Body. Tell it exactly how you feel about it. Be as spontaneous and honest as you can. When you have finished, start another letter and write Dear [add your name]. Now give your body a chance to reply. With your non-dominant hand write a reply from your body to yourself (if you're right handed that means using your left hand, and vice versa - writing with your other hand accesses a different part of the brain). Allow yourself to be surprised by what you write. Almost all of the participants on our workshops say that this is a very powerful and moving exercise. On Thursday n your journal (if you have one) or on a card write down 10 things that you appreciate about your body, they don't all have to be physical attributes... just anything your body does or has which you appreciate. On Friday When was the last time you had a chat with your fat? You may do this exercise as part of our e-course and we know it produces some lightbiulb moments for partcipants... so here's how you do it. Start with a blank sheet of paper and begin a conversation... something like this maybe: Me: hello fat, you're still there then? FAT: Yup, not giving up yet... why should I Me: Why won't you just go and leave me alone FAT: I'm not ready... However your conversation goes, it will reveal something interesting... On Saturday Bring your attention to how you talk to yourself about your body... do you criticise it and put it down or do you appreciate it and compliment it? Without putting pressure on yourself to do anything different, simply notice what you do and how it impacts you throughout the day... remember, awareness is 50% of change. On Sunday When was the last time you gave your body a real treat? Have a beauty day. Treat yourself to a relaxing treatment and let someone massage away the cares of day. Put your feet in a lavender foot soak and do nothing for five minutes. A beauty day doesn't have to be at the spa. Treat your body to a home-made beauty session. Put on some good music and get down to business. Wax, pluck, shave, knead, exfoliate, massage, moisturise, cleanse, steam, sponge, smooth and brush. Whatever you decide to do, make it special and luxurious in some way, however small... and above all, enjoy! |
| Posted: 14/07/2008 12:23:55 Last Updated: 14/07/2008 12:28:05 |
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