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| Getting Your Teenager to Do Chores Well |
by Carol Shepley of www.growingupmatters.com "Why can’t you put the linen basket away when you’ve emptied it?" I shouted at my son in frustration. "I'm fed up with tidying up after you all the time. Don't you think I've got better things to do with my time than clear up after you?" I continued to rant. But his eyes had already glazed over. He stood patiently waiting for my rant to finish, but I just went on and on, letting out all my frustration. "Okay, Okay" he eventually shouted and stormed off upstairs to his room. It's easy to forget that our teens need to learn how to do chores and that part of the learning process is for them to make mistakes. It's then even easier to point out these mistakes to our teens. But at what cost? Focusing on the negative aspect of our teens is rarely helpful. In fact the more we look for the negative the more examples of it we will find. The result is often a feeling a failure both for the teen and the parent. But focusing on the positive engenders a feeling of hope, of pride and of success. That doesn't mean we need to ignore mistakes or praise poor performance; it's about acknowledging what the teen has done and using mistakes as feedback for better performance in the future. How To Get Chores Done Well Expect your teen to make mistakes. When learning anything new it's normal to make mistakes and not do things as we would like or miss out parts of the job altogether. Use the mistake as a basis for future learning. Give clear and concise instructions about exactly what needs to be done. Often we assume that teens will know how to do things. So include all aspects of what needs to be done; what does 'doing the washing' entail? Show them how to do it. Sometimes verbal instructions are not enough. If they're using a new piece of equipment they often need to be shown how to use it. Show them first and then let them have a go under your guidance. Always praise the effort even if the result is not what you wanted. Look for the positive that they did do. Often their mistakes come from not having understood the task properly. This can either be due to you assuming your teen knows what to do (see above) but just as likely, your teen assumes they know what to do and won't listen to what you say. The latter is particularly true for those teens who need to learn by experience. Let them know your standards. Do not accept sub-standard work, but realise that your teen may not achieve your standard on the first attempt. Set them a standard they can reach and gradually raise it until it meets your own. Explain the reason behind what they're doing. Even if they don't agree with it at this stage, it's important they realise they're not doing something just for the sake of it. Let them know there's a purpose behind their actions. Let them know when they've done a good job. Far from going to their heads, appreciation and praise are likely to get you a repeat performance. |
| Posted: 26/05/2005 13:52:16 Last Updated: 26/05/2005 13:56:26 |
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