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 One-in-eight girls now start their periods at primary school and some girls get their first period as young as eight years of age. It is more important than ever for girls to be prepared for their periods at the earliest possible stage in a positive, practical way. When is the right time to have the talk? No time is too soon. It is far better to ensure your daughter is armed with the correct information in advance of her periods starting, than waiting for the unexpected moment, which can be distressing for a girl who has no idea what is happening to her. If you haven't had any sort of conversation already, we recommend that you start once your daughter reaches Year 5. If your daughter has already started to ask some questions, or has mentioned things talked about at school, this is the perfect opportunity. You can easily build on this because she will be receptive and clearly wants to know more. Some girls have absolutely no idea of the changes that puberty will bring. If you notice any physical signs of development in your daughter, for example breast buds, this is the ideal time to broach the subject. What is suitable for your daughter? Is she a child who likes stories, or is she more interested in details and how things work? Does she squirm at the first hint of anything related to bodily functions? Is she embarrassed to be seen without her clothes on, or is she completely unfazed by such things. Your daughter's personality is a good guide as to the best way to approach the conversation. If your daughter: * loves stories, then buying a picture book about puberty that you can read together is ideal; * is one for factual information and plenty of detail, there are websites and books with lots of anatomical diagrams and explanations that might suit her; * flatly refuses to discuss such subjects, don't force the conversation or keep asking questions to get a response. Just let her know that it's important she learns the information somehow so that when her periods, or other changes, start she will know what to do. Leaving a book (that you have read and approved) on her bed is possibly the best start. You could include a note saying that you hope she'll find it helpful and you're available any time to talk if she has questions. Children are sponges for information and they appreciate the facts – in spite of any embarrassment, protests of disgust or fits of giggles! Girls generally become more and more self conscious once they start to develop physically. Creating an open dialogue with your daughter before this stage will help to alleviate any feelings of discomfort that both or either of you might feel. Starting early will also build confidence for you both that other subjects can be tackled in the future. Are there any signs? Yes. Periods will often start 1-2 years after breast buds have begun to develop. The other sign is some discharge, a white or yellowy stain in her knickers that you might notice when doing the laundry. This will alert you to the fact that her periods could be due anytime in the next 12 months. There are theories about a girl's weight being an indicator, but like most things when it comes to periods and puberty (including breast buds and discharge), this is not a hard and fast rule. Every girl is different. Ideas for broaching the subject "Katie, I can see that you're starting to grow up quite a lot. Your body is beginning to change too. There's a lot that you need to know about – more changes that will happen to you in the next few years – and it's important that we talk about this so you'll know what to expect. Can we do that?" "Have you seen those adverts on tv about products for girls' periods? They're called sanitary towels and tampons. I thought we could talk about that because you'll need to be using those products in a few years' time, maybe sooner." "Sweetheart, as you've started Year 5, I'm hoping we can talk about some of the changes that your body will go through in the next few years. You'll have a lesson about it either this year or next year at school, so I thought it might be helpful if we talked a little before then. Then it won't seem so strange. Is that okay with you?" "I got my period today and it reminded me that you'll be getting your periods one day too. What do you know about periods?" Helpful tips 1. First and foremost, remember that you daughter needs this vital information to be able to look after herself in the years ahead. 2. If the idea of broaching this subject with your daughter is really uncomfortable, it's okay to admit to her that you don't find it easy to talk about – perhaps because no one ever talked to you and you had to find out for yourself. 3. If you don't know some of the information, say so, and offer to find out. Honesty is best, and there is no shame in not knowing – many parents don't. 4. Let your daughter know that you are happy to talk about anything. Being open to whatever comes up in the conversation is important to her trusting that she can come to you for anything. 5. Make it clear that regardless of whatever questions she has, you will give an honest answer. You don't have to go into huge detail, unless she asks for it. 6. Share your own experiences: a. As a mum, you can reassure your daughter that if your experiences weren't terribly positive, then you want to help to make it better for her. You might even have some funny stories to tell that will get you both giggling! b. As a dad, you can talk about when you first learned what periods were all about and that you realise it's a really important time for girls. Remind your daughter of any other women in her life she can talk to as well, eg her mum, an auntie, big sister, etc. This can take a bit of the pressure off both of you. 7. Whatever your family situation, don't assume that the other parent will deal with this. You must take equal responsibility for ensuring your daughter has the information she needs. 8. A good sitting position for a conversation is side-by-side rather than face-to-face, eg in the car, as this can feel less confrontational and more relaxed. If you or your daughter feels embarrassed, it won't be so obvious. 9. It's quite possible that you daughter knows a lot already, so before charging in, just check to see what she knows. You can then ascertain which topics she's not so well informed about, and start from there. Do check that what she thinks she knows is fact! 10. Make the most of available resources to support you: books (remember your library may have some good ones) and websites. Making it okay for your daughter to tell you It is crucial that whatever is going on for you that you make time for your daughter if she wants to talk. When it comes to subjects such as this, you may get one chance only to open the door of communication. If you can have an open, relaxed dialogue about periods and puberty, your daughter will have the confidence to tell you when her periods have started. You might also like to think in advance about a codeword, so that if she can't tell you outright because there are other people around, she has a way of telling you her periods have started without her feeling awkward. You can then give her the help she needs without making a big deal about it and embarrassing her. Taking it in stages The subjects of periods and puberty cover a lot of information and it is too much for a girl to take in all at once. Talk to your daughter about just one topic at a time – perhaps start with periods because the arrival of her first period will be a huge shock, and quite frightening, if she has no idea what's happening to her. Taking Also, don't be surprised if you need to repeat some of the information a few times. What products to use An important part of your ongoing conversation at some point will be about the products she will need to handle her periods. 1. Show her the different types of sanitary pads that are available. 2. Talk to her about which ones to use and when. 3. Keep a selection in a bathroom cupboard so she can get access to them whenever she needs to. 4. Explain how to dispose of them hygienically. Also talk about tampons, and their different absorbencies, but suggest that she waits until her periods have settled down into a reliable pattern before thinking about using them as she needs to understand the risks of Toxic Shock Syndrome. When you notice the changes beginning to happen in your daughter, make sure she has a little purse of sanitary products that she can keep at school for emergencies. Getting further help You and your daughter can get a lot more information about periods and answers to frequently asked questions from PoGo, a website dedicated to helping girls in the early stages of puberty in a safe, age-appropriate environment. There are also recommended books and websites that will give girls further information. PoGo has also created a stylish, all-in-one period kit that contains everything a girl needs to handle her periods with confidence, including teen-size pads specially chosen for girls, and a period planner so they can track their menstrual cycle. Visit http://www.pogopack.co.uk/pogo-pack |
| Posted: 03/10/2010 20:11:20 Last Updated: 03/10/2010 20:20:01 |
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