Dating. Does the very word make you tingle all over with excitement, or quiver with fear? Whatever your take, if you're young, free and single then the Chicklit lifecoach Salma Shah has some words of wisdom for you. We've also got some helpful advice from dating experts www.match.com (see our win page for the chance to win free membership to Match).| Relighting old flames by Salma Shah |
No one could have predicted the phenomenal success of Friends Reunited. Least of all the side effect of relationships being re-kindled as people met with past flames and were given the opportunity to turn some of those yearning fantasies into realities. I know of one broken marriage in my office! Most of us have that lost love floating around in our heads. Whether we met them aged seven or in our twenties, we still wonder what s/he is doing and how our lives would have been if we hadn’t broken up. So when, given the opportunity why will some people end up re-lighting the flame again while most don’t? Firstly, meeting up with an ex is not just any old date. The event can be a heady cocktail of emotions such as grief, anger, resentment, fear, guilt, shame and joy. It can also be a potent reminder of our emotional history – the pleasure of meeting up with our old flame entwined with a reminder of the painful break. Follows some guidelines if you are planning to re-visit that old flame? 1. Be prepared for a potential sexual re-explosion. This re-connection may alter your life completely – perhaps even stimulate a new career. 2. There are stages of reunion. The intense closeness may initially make you pull apart if it happens too quickly. You might also swing between joy and anger as you work through stuff from the past. 3. The original problems will always resurface. Whether you get through it depends on how you’ve both emotionally matured over the years. 4. You both must agree on why you broke up in the first place. 5. Reunions should carry a warning label. They are not recommended for those who have a pattern of making another person the main focus of their life. 6. Finally, even if the flame doesn’t reignite (which is most cases), the meeting will bring a closure and a freeing from a lifelong fantasy. |
| Posted: 01/04/2005 20:42:00 |
Chick Lit > Dating Chicks :: Relighting old flames by Salma Shah