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We know that you can have kids and still be a hip chick and this section is just for you. Look out for holiday news, child friendly books, films and lots of ideas on how to keep your little ones happy.
| Survival and Beyond |
How to re-find yourself “I will survive” sang Gloria Gaynor. It’s a rousing chant but looked at from a different angle it could also be a little sad. Is that all you’re doing? Surviving just to do it all another day? I, for one, want more, but achieving it is hard when faced with the incessant demands of colleagues, children, partners, family and friends. At the end of a busy day I’m left with barely enough energy to fill the dishwasher, let alone find some quality time for myself. But not only is it desirable to nurture the ‘me’ inside, it is also very necessary. We’ve all heard of burnout, but it’s not just workaholics that suffer. Working mothers, with the constant pressures that are forced upon them, are prime candidates. It’s a situation of which Jenny, a PR and mother of William, 3, is acutely aware. “I’m retraining as a counsellor and the course emphasises nurturing yourself, both physically and emotionally. If you don’t put yourself first you’ll be in no state to be of good to others. It’s equally applicable to mothers. However, ” Jenny adds with a rueful smile, ” Putting it into practice isn’t so easy.” A random poll of working mothers found that few set aside time just for themselves. They felt they had little chance to remember who they were, what they liked or disliked. Some respondents had even permanently given up cooking the food they preferred in deference to the tastes of their family. However a small minority recognised this need for rest and recuperation and fought hard to retain a little space for themselves. Have a guess who felt the most fulfilled and happy with their lot? Yes, of course those who regularly made sure they did something they enjoyed. Whether it was an intellectual pursuit like writing a novel or something utterly trivial, it didn’t matter. It was important to them. Making time, as opposed to finding it, is the key. They didn’t wait for some spare time to drop into their day (it never does) but actively organised slots in their diary, which they treated with as much reverence as a board meeting. Katrina juggles opera singing with looking after her two children, Cameron, 7 and Sebastian, 5. She goes to great lengths to ensure she can still do activities she enjoys. “ I refuse to be defeated just because I’ve got children. If I can’t do something in the normal way I’ll try plan B to get there and I’ll keep on trying all the way to plan Z.” She advises full use of any resources possible “Always take any offer of help from whatever source.” Sources that may be available include willing partners, family, friends, crčches and paid babysitters. None of these mothers felt guilty lavishing attention on themselves. As Katrina says “If you’re exhausted and grumpy and you’ve got two hours to spare it’s better to go for a quick swim to put you in a good mood for a happy, stimulating hour with your child than spend two hours with them thinking how tired and miserable you are.” Sally, head teacher at an East London school, believes that cultivating a selfish streak is a good lesson for your children. “They need to learn that you are not always at their beck and call; that you have needs too. Daughters, especially, should grow up knowing that being a working mother does not mean you are everyone’s slave.” Reducing standards might result in extra time. You don’t have to use all your free time cleaning, catching up on work reading or, god forbid, exercising. Yes, we all know the wonderful effects of exercise but it’s just as important to do something good for your soul. But the mundane few moments out of the day can be just as important as a wild night out on the town. Being able to sit peacefully with a cup of coffee is a rare luxury for me. Helena relishes the time when her twelve year old son goes to bed and she can play a few games on the computer and anyone with small children knows what a treat it is to be able to cook a grown up meal – and have the time to eat it. And what if it’s so long since you had any time to yourself that you just don’t know what to do with it? Try digging out some old photos or letters and think back to when you were unencumbered with responsibilities. What used to get you fired up; make you laugh or absorb you intently? You might just reawaken an old passion. Otherwise, it’s time to find a new one. Top 6 Ways Real Women Stay Sane 1. Exercise. The primary rule is that you must enjoy it. No sweating for hours at the gym for the sake of it. It can be social, as in dancing or tennis, or you can learn a new skill like karate or fencing. 2. Pampering Everyone loves being pampered. Salon facials are marvellous but a scented oil foot rub from your partner will do just as well. The most popular pampering pastime is a long hot soak in the bath. 3. Culture. Going to the cinema, theatre, concert, or just reading a book. Lose yourself in someone else’s problems for a change. 4. Education. It can be professional, furthering your career or retraining for a new one, or it can be self-improving like wine tasting or French. 5. Creative. Writing that novel, playing the piano, joining a drama group. These are all popular ways to fulfilment! 6. Social All felt better for socialising, especially with people outside their workplace. “It’s lovely to talk about something other than work and the kids,” says Kelly who has recently re-discovered her old college friends by email. And finally… a small minority said they missed the adrenaline of dangerous sports like rock climbing or sky diving. They still found time to do them, but less often! More articles |
| Posted: 25/04/2005 19:46:17 Last Updated: 25/04/2005 20:00:54 |
Chick Lit > Chick Lit Kids :: Survival and Beyond