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| What is it with Making Friends? |
| by Paula Gardner For over fifteen years now I've set myself an annual challenge of making a friend. I don't mean just chatting occasionally with a mum I recognise in the playground, or going for coffee with someone I've connected with at a networking event. I mean a proper, make a date and go out and do something type of friend. Someone whose life history you get to know and, just as important, knows yours. Inevitably, some of these friends don't last. Some, such as the ones I made when my children were really young, often drifted away, especially when our kids got older and we all started getting back into our working lives and careers. For others it happened when my first husband and I got divorced, or one of us moved. And there are some that I wish had drifted away and lost touch! But many have stayed the course and I love the excitement of wondering who will be my new friend this year. Some years I just let it happen and see who emerges - and someone always does. Some years I have to put the effort in, let someone know that I'm keen to get to know them better with no other motive than the fact that I enjoy their company. What's also interesting is the difference in the quality of relationships that develop, and what they develop around. One friend (and I do still count her as a good friend) is over ten years older than me, witty, with lots of interesting and often scurrilous stories about her past. Coffee with her is always great fun. But she knows little about me and my life. It's more often than not about her and I accept that that is the nature of our relationship. With another we began by connecting over books and literature, and slowly, as we met and had lunches or "quick drinks", we began to unravel whole lives for each other. And another, now one of my best friends, I met whilst her son and my daughter were in nursery together. I saw her in the playground and felt that I had to go up and say hello. It was a sunny day so we arranged to take the kids for a picnic after school and within an hour had found that her background was PR and writing, just like me, and that we shared a mutual friend. Strangely, I've only ever made one good male friend in that time. And that was during the time when I was single, after my divorce. We're still good friends now, and he gets on well with my husband, but my friendship circle is a lacking bit of a testosterone if I am to be frank. Another reason why I keep up my annual friend hunt is to show my children how fun it can be to make new mates, how important it is, and what a vital part they can play in your life long term. This isn't a top tips article and I've no ten easy ways to making friends. In my experience it just works with some people and not with others. There are some people that I initially wanted to get to know and then found them boring, but what I will say is ... * be open to possibilities. I struck up a friendship with a local shop owner when she told me that she was chained to the shop from 8am until 6pm every day, apart from the odd occasions when her husband took over for a bit. I felt a bit sorry for her, started to go in and chat and a few months later we began to meet after (her) workday to go running. * Know when to drop it. Some people just aren't interested or have too much going on in their lives to make room for you. Don't take it personally. * Others have low self esteem and can't understand why you find them interesting. You almost have to convince them you want to be friends. * Understand that there are levels of friendship and that everyone has their own level. Some will bend over backwards for you, looking after your kids, watering your plants when you're on holiday, listening to your boyfriend tales of woe. Others just want a nice night out with some fizz and a bit of gossip. Accept whatever level they can give you, and enjoy it. That's what friends are for! |
| Posted: 02/07/2008 22:15:50 Last Updated: 02/07/2008 22:41:33 |
Chick Lit > Lifestyle :: What is it with Making Friends?